The Seed of Hope

A Strange Place

A Strange Place

I’m in a strange place…

I’m in a room with no light, yet it isn’t dark.

I’m standing in a crowd of people, yet no one is there.

Everything around me looks familiar, yet nothing is the same.

I have so much to say and so much to share, yet the words I need are elusive and seemingly just beyond my “mind’s eye.”

I know that God is in my heart, yet I don’t feel His presence.

I’m me, but I’m not me. I’m afraid. I’m frustrated. I’m alone. I’m sad. I’m desperately trying to get out of this strange place. I’m trying to get back on the path; the path that’s illuminated by His light. I’ve been this way, been in this strange place, for the last month. I long to feel the way that I’ve felt for the last four years, since that day in August of 2006 when I was born again.

“GOD, where are You?” I cry out, trapped in my self-made mental prison.

What happened?

I blamed where I was, and how I felt, on being “burned out.” I’d been working hard, and had extended myself a bit too much, or as some like to say, I had “spread myself a bit too thin.” We’d had several personnel changes in our business. We hadn’t had a vacation in two years. Between my wife Jackie, and our family, and work, and church, and The Seed of Hope, there never seemed to be time for rest. Oh, did I forget to mention chasing after God every day, trying to love Him more, and to know Him more, and to see His face more, and to serve Him more? And along the way, trying to be the best Christian that I could possibly be, which we know isn’t always that easy?

Yep, I was burned out, plain and simple.

Eleven days away from our salon, off with Jackie, and spending some time with our family, would do the trick. There would be some quiet time, which meant time for reflection and prayer. I’d reconnect with God, and rekindle that flame for Him that always burns inside, and everything would be great.

A couple of days off and I’d be good as new. I’d crank out some stuff for The Seed of Hope and tell you how great I felt, and how good life was, and how I’d found the compassion that was missing, and how I’d recaptured my “lust for life.”

Guess what?

It didn’t happen.

Don’t get me wrong; it was such a blessing to be “unplugged” and away with Jackie for a while, as it always is. God certainly smiled on me when He put Jackie in my life…

During that time we were able to visit our son Brian and his wife Christina in Virginia, and upon our return spend some time at the lake with our younger son Christian, his wife Amber, and our grandchildren Stephen and Isabella. We had a great time with all of them, made some lasting memories, and experienced several “Kodak Moments.”

There was indeed time for reading, prayer, and meditation.  

We even had the opportunity to host a small church group in our home on Saturday night, and then attend church with our kids the next day. I’ll admit that I did indeed feel God’s presence during both, but not with the intensity that I’ve become accustomed to. And soon as each came to a close, the feeling of God’s nearness was gone. Just like that.

“What’s going on?” I asked time after time. “Have I done something wrong?” “Have I lost my passion for God completely?” “Did someone put a curse on my prayer chair?” “Am I missing something here?”

If you’re thinking that I was alarmed, well, you’re exactly right! I was very alarmed. You see, I remember what it’s like to walk without God’s presence, and I can’t even bring myself to think about my life without Him in it.

The last day…

Today is Tuesday, the last day of our vacation. I woke up at 5:15 this morning to attend a men’s small group through church that meets in our salon each week at 6:15. I went to that small group still looking for the answer to the question “God, where are you?”

I felt God’s presence during the meeting, but again, without the intensity to which I’ve become accustomed. And just as before, when the meeting was over the feeling was gone.

I went back home to have coffee with Jackie, and to share our reading of today’s passages from The One Year Bible guide published by Church of the Highlands here in Birmingham. I was hoping to find a nugget of truth in The Word that might provide some answers to my questions. No such luck; the readings were from 1 Chronicles, Acts, Psalms, and Proverbs. While I enjoying reading all of the passages, none of them gave me any insight into my problem.

Next I turned to The One Year walk with God Devotional, written by Chris Tiegreen. I actually needed to read the messages from the past two days, because we didn’t take the time to read them yesterday.

Both days were devoted to the same passage, Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, and despite its length, I’m gonna share all of it with you.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

Thank you Solomon for writing Ecclesiastes.

Thank you, Chris Tiegreen, for writing The One Year walk with God.

Thank you God, for leading me to both writings.

A Dry Season

If you think about the passage for a moment, you’ll realize that there is indeed a time, a season for everything, and with those seasons, come change. While some of the “times” mentioned may not apply to us literally, they all certainly do in a figurative sense; all of them. Some of these seasons are filled with God’s Abundance, and oh so sweet, while some are everything but.

I’ve heard of people going through spiritual “dry seasons.” During these times, prayers don’t seem to be as powerful, meaningful, or in many cases, necessary at all. Relationships suffer. Life isn’t as “sweet.” Priorities change. God seems to be distant.

Hmmm…

I believe, (and I pray that I’m right) that I’m going through one of those dry seasons right now. The funny thing is that every time I heard warnings about dry seasons, I always thought “That’ll never happen to me. I pray every morning, and I go after God every day, and I’m a soldier of Christ, and I’m a light that shines for Him, and I’m always vigilant against attacks from the enemy.”

Yet here I sit, in my prayer chair, struggling to get through this now identified dry season. At least I know what it is! God is still here…with me…in me. I haven’t done anything wrong. I haven’t lost my passion for Him, or my love for people. I’m not missing anything.

And I’m not giving any credit to Satan for this. I didn’t stumble, or fall, or go astray. This is not his handiwork at all.

What I’m going through right now is a gift from God. He has seen fit to give me another season of change, and when I get through this (I will get through it!) I’m gonna be one step closer to Him and one step closer to fulfilling His plan for me.

I apologize for the length of today’s post, but as is often the case, as I’ve written I’ve learned even more about myself, life, and God’s Way.

And if I haven’t done so in a while, I want to thank you for accompanying me on this journey. And I pray that, even if in a very small way, it helps you on yours.

See you next week!

What I'm asking God for...

Last week the Church of The Highlands, located here in Birmingham, began a period of prayer and fasting which would last for three weeks. This period is simply and fittingly referred to as Twenty-One Days of Prayer. Having taken part in Twenty-One Days this past summer (without the fasting), during which I had experienced a tremendous amount of spiritual growth, I had been eagerly looking forward to the first day, January 10^th.

So I sit here today, having just returned from church, on the ninth of those twenty-one days, pondering what it is that I most want to share with you. I could talk about giving up desires of the flesh, by fasting from meats, caffeine, sweets, breads, and dairy products. There’s rolling out of bed at 5:00 A.M. Monday through Friday to attend the prayer service at 6:00, gathering with hundreds of other people chasing after God. There’s the amount of spiritual growth that God has blessed me with during this first week. All of these topics may be the core of another day’s post, but not this one.

Today I want to talk about my expectations going into this period of prayer and fasting. Well, not necessarily my expectations, but more of what I was going to pray to God for…what I was going to ask of Him. For weeks leading up to the Twenty-One Days, I had actually been praying to God to give me clarity as to what I should be praying for…

There’s my wife Jackie, and our family, and our business, and those that work in it. I could ask God to help me to be a good husband, father, friend, mentor, and leader. I could pray that God continue to open doors for The Seed of Hope to reach others. I could pray to Him for financial prosperity. I could pray for the needs of others…for our city, our state, our country. I could, quite simply, pray to Him for direction in my life.

It wasn’t that I only had one shot to make it count. I could, and would, offer prayers for all of those things, knowing that God would hear every one of them. But I wanted to go into this period asking God one particular thing for me; my personal request.

I turned to the Bible.

Now, if you know me, you know that I’m not that well-versed in the Bible. I just began reading it a couple of years ago, and in that time, I’ve discovered that it’s the closest thing to having a real conversation with Jesus. So I look to the Word for guidance and direction in my life, and more often than not, I find what I need.

The Spirit of the Lord will rest on him—the Spirit of wisdom and of understanding, the Spirit of counsel and of power, the Spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the Lord—and he will delight in the fear of the Lord. Isaiah 11:2-3 (NIV)

To one there is given through the Spirit the message of wisdom, to another the message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues, and to still another the interpretation of tongues.    1 Corinthians 12:7-10 (NIV)

I read both of these passages once, twice, and then a third time.

I was going to ask God for the Seven Spirits of the Lord, as found in Isaiah. I was going to ask God for the Gifts of the Spirit, as found in 1 Corinthians. I was going to ask God to favor me with spiritual abundance.

Above all else, I was entering those Twenty-One Days of Prayer seeking God’s wisdom.  Did you know that it’s available to all of us, for the asking?   

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does. James 1:5-8 (NIV)

Wisdom

Can you imagine what it would be like to be filled with just a fraction of God’s wisdom?

Quite often I find myself praying for God’s direction, asking Him to guide me through life. As you know, sometimes when we receive directions from others, even from God, we have a difficult time discerning what we have heard.

If we ask God for direction, He may answer by giving us information. If we seek His face, and pray for His wisdom, He will answer us by giving us His mind! What a gift He promises to us…if we will only ask Him for it, with the unwavering belief, the unwavering faith that He will answer!

Filled with His wisdom, the direction that we seek will be easier to find. So will guidance in relationships, business decisions, career moves…every choice that we have to make in life. Again, I ask, can you imagine what it would be like to be filled with a fraction of God’s wisdom?

So…

I entered Twenty-Days of Prayer with the expectation that God would give me some of His wisdom. And I only asked that He would give me what my mind was ready to receive. If God had given me the full dose of what He has shown me in the past three years all at once, I could not have handled it. I don’t believe that any of us can comprehend the depth of His wisdom. Our minds simply are not big enough to wrap themselves around “all of God.” (That’s definitely a topic for another day!)

I can’t tell you the final outcome of this period of prayer and fasting because there are 12 more days to go. I can tell you that I believe that God is taking me to a new level spiritually, and it’s an incredible, almost overwhelming feeling. I feel His presence with me every waking hour, and the fire in me that burns for Him is white-hot! God is amazing.

In Prayer.

May I make a suggestion to you? If you haven’t already done so, the next time that you are in prayer, why don’t you take your attention off of a specific need or lack of direction, and instead ask God to give you His wisdom, to fill you with His mind? He promises us that He will.

See you next week.

Our Sinful Nature

However, when they persisted with their question, He raised Himself up and said “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” John 8:7 (NIV)

I’m gonna let you in on a little secret…

All of us are sinners. Every one of us, at some point in our lives, has sinned. Jesus knew it. Why else would He extend an open invitation for someone, anyone in the temple court to stone a woman who had been caught in the act of adultery? He knew it then, and God knows it now. We’re all sinners.

Another secret…

I’m gonna let you in on another secret; one of my personal secrets. Never shared this with anyone…never felt the need to, until now…

For the longest time (if you consider 56 years to be a long time) I thought that I was the only person in church that was a sinner. Well, that may be a bit extreme…I didn’t really believe that I was the only one with sin, but in my mind, no one else’s sins were as bad as mine. And everyone else’s sins paled in comparison…

What made me feel that way? My sins were worse than his, or hers, or yours, because I committed them! I was ashamed of my transgressions against God…all of them. That’s why I always opted to sit no closer to the front of the church than the middle! I didn’t think that I was worthy of sitting in the front, right under the Pastor’s nose, right there in front of the congregation. I wasn’t good enough. I figured that the first few rows were reserved for the “good” people.

It’s not that I wasn’t a good person. I’ve always tried to be a good Christian, and tried to treat people the right way. I didn’t steal, or take a life, or anything like that. I just kept “falling down”, in a spiritual sense. And I just didn’t “get it” about forgiveness.

Sin

I want to talk about sin for just a moment. Well, not necessarily “sin”, by its definition, but more about my perceptions of sin that I brought with me from childhood.

Without mentioning a specific Christian denomination, I’ll tell you that I was taught that there were two different categories of sin. There were mortal sins, which were willful, extreme offenses against God. Some examples of mortal sins were murder, adultery, and theft. Then there were venial sins, which, while being offensive to God, weren’t as serious as their mortal counterparts. Examples of venial sins might include cursing, lying, or gossiping. You could probably still get into heaven if you died with a list of venial sins, but those mortal sins could give you a one way ticket to Hades!

The whole concept never made a lot of sense to me. God gave us a list of commandments…ten of ‘em. Do you think that He divided them into two categories, or ranked them in order of severity, from one to ten?

Okay, I can see where the First Commandment, I AM the Lord your God. You shall have no other gods before Me. would be the most important one. I mean, if you don’t accept God, why would you follow His commands?

Apart from the first one, how can we say that one of the remaining nine is more important than the other? Well, we can’t, but I believe that many of us try to justify taking “liberties” with certain ones. It’s kind of like the “selective hearing” that my wife Jackie accuses me of having from time to time!   

If money, or a fancy car, or a new home, or a new job, or your children, or even your spouse is more important to you than God, you’re not in accordance with Him. The same can be said for hating someone that may have hurt your feelings, or being prejudicial towards anyone. Hiding some of your income to avoid paying more taxes…lying to dodge an embarrassing situation…turning your nose up at someone that may be less fortunate than you are. All of these are offensive to God. The list of things that we do, individually and collectively that is not Christ-like is, well, is too long to list.

Take a close look.

This is how I see it: When examining your conscience, you have to examine all of it, not just the “safe” zones! You want to know if you’re in good standing with God? At the end of each day, take stock of your every thought, word, and deed. You’ll know.

Look, I’m not trying to save your soul; God sent His only Son to do that.

This is love; not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. 1 John 4:10 (NIV)

Neither am I sitting in judgment of you.

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be used to measure you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye, and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” Matthew 7:1-3 (NIV)

I guess that what I’m trying to tell you is this:

All of us (yes, that includes you) are worthy of sitting in the front row of the church, right under the Pastor’s nose, right there in front of the congregation. We’re all God’s children, and because of that we’re all the same in His eyes. While some of us may live the life that’s more in keeping with what He wants for us, that doesn’t mean that the rest of us aren’t His “kids”. And it doesn’t mean that He will stop loving us. (I invite you to read the parable of the Prodigal Son, Luke 15:11-32)

Don’t be afraid to stand before God, baggage and all. I believe that many of us don’t want to face Him because we’re ashamed of what we’ve done, or because of the accountability that comes with knowing that God is looking.

You don’t really think that He’s not looking at you because you’re not looking at Him, do you? Come on! He knows everything, sees everything, and is everywhere. He is our omniscient, omnipresent, amazing God!

Our forgiving God

Here’s the thing, and I believe this with all that is in me: If you ask for God’s forgiveness, with a heart filled with regret for what you’ve done, He’s gonna forgive you. Even if you’re falling into the same trap, time after time. I don’t care what it is; He will forgive you.

There was only one sin for which He couldn’t forgive you, one that would keep you from spending eternity with Him, and He sacrificed His only Son to pay the price for that one.

For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

Look, you’re gonna have to face God one day; we all do. I’m asking you not to wait until your judgment day to do it. If you will begin each day by standing before God and asking Him for forgiveness, I believe that at the very least, four major changes will occur within:

·         Your relationship with God will soar to new heights.

·         Your outlook towards life and everything in it will change.

·         You will find yourself examining your every thought, word, and deed because you’ll realize that removing sin from your life makes room for more of God’s blessings and His love.

·         You will have more peace in your heart and in your soul than you ever dreamed possible.

See you next week!