The Seed of Hope

RAIN!

RAIN!

The dry season ended, seemingly as quickly as it had begun. The absence of “feeling” God’s presence, that I shared with you in last week’s post, has been replaced by an infusion of His Spirit that has filled every inch of my mind, body, and soul. I stand in awe of God, completely overwhelmed by what He has allowed me to feel, and to “see”, since I last shared my thoughts with you.

The spiritual dry season that I just came out of was truly a gift from God. I learned a great deal, not during my time in the “desert”, but after I had reentered God’s “spiritual rain forest.” It’s been a week, and I’m still learning lessons from that time when I felt like I was away from Him. In fact, one of those revelations came to me as I was sitting down to write this post, and you’re going to be amazed (at least I was) at how it came to me.

Saul

This past Saturday night I was having a conversation with Saul, a young man who was attending a Bible study group that my wife Jackie and I are hosting in our home. We were talking about my dry season; when it began, how long it lasted, and what it felt like in the midst of it.

During our conversation, Saul was telling me about Jesus’ time in the desert, much of which I already knew. It lasted for forty days, during which Jesus had no food. He was hungry. He was tired. He was alone; almost. He was tempted three times by Satan.

Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil. After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. Matthew 4:1-2

What Saul revealed to me that I didn’t know was that Jesus’ real ministry didn’t begin until after his time in the desert. Before that time, He hadn’t even performed His first miracle and He wasn’t the teacher that He would prove to be. It seems as if Jesus’ time in the desert had elevated him to another spiritual level.

Saul’s words stayed with me all weekend. I kept thinking about Jesus’ time in the real desert, deprived of food, what we consider to be essential for life. Yet during that time He not only grew in Spirit and, when He should have been at His weakest, cast aside Satan.

Jesus said to him “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship, the Lord your God, and serve Him only.’” Matthew 4:10

So, Jesus was led to the desert by the Spirit.

This left me posing the questions, “I wonder if I was led by the Spirit into my dry season?” “Is He preparing to take me to another level spiritually?”

Well, I’m quite sure that it was part of God’s plan for me to enter the desert. But unlike Jesus, I don’t believe that I was led by the Spirit to fight the devil. No, I believe that I was led to it by the devil himself. Yep, you read right; I was led by Satan. And it was part of God’s plan.

I’m finding myself being lead to mention Job as a parallel for what happened to me. If you’ve never read the story of Job, which is in the Old Testament, I encourage you to do so. It’s a great lesson in faith, and remaining steadfast, and loving the Lord regardless of what you receive in life.

Here’s a condensed version: Job was a very wealthy man; a righteous, God-fearing, evil-hating man. He was married, with seven sons and three daughters. He had plenty of land, and owned thousands of heads of livestock and animals. He had numerous servants. In other words, Job had it all.

With God’s permission, and as a test of Job’s faith, Satan was allowed to take away everything that Job had in life; EVERYTHING he had. Still, Job’s faith in God, and his love for him, never wavered.

Am I comparing myself to Job? No. Had God allowed Satan to strip me of everything I owned? No, not that either. I used Job as example because we are tested every day. Some of these tests are from God, i.e. teaching us patience, and humility, and love. I’ve said this before, and it bears repeating: Nothing that we receive from God is bad. NOTHING. NO-THING that we receive from God is bad. Everything that we receive from God, even the things that we don’t understand, is part of His plan for us.

Conversely, nothing that we receive from Satan is good. NOTHING. He seeks only to destroy, and ruin, and put as many obstacles between ourselves and God as he possibly can. None of them are good, and like what we receive from God, and like what Job received, many are tests. But that’s where the similarities end. God didn’t bring anything bad into Job’s life, but He certainly allowed it to happen. It was part of his plan for Job.

Sorry for the detour. I don’t know why I felt compelled to talk about Job; I just felt that he should be included. Let’s get back to my being in the desert and how I was led there by the devil.

The night before The Seed of Hope was launched on October 31, 2008, I told God that The Seed was for Him. It was to be a means of telling the world about the amazing things that He had done in my life and sharing what I learned in my spiritual walk with others. The glory and praise would be, not for me, but for Him. I asked Him to give me the words to give to you.

Since that day, I have done exactly that every week. Except for one.

A couple of months ago, I was in a bad place. I won’t go into detail, but something happened in our business the week before that hurt me deeply. I struggled with my emotions, especially my anger. And my pride.

And Satan stepped in. On May 24^th I wrote a post titled Betrayed. (Don’t bother looking for it, because it has been pulled.) Quite honestly, when I wrote it I wasn’t listening for God’s Word, or the Holy Spirit. I wasn’t sharing some amazing thing that God had done in my life, or passing along a nugget of truth that I’d gleaned from my spiritual walk.

If you’ve visited these pages before, you know that I share my personal experiences, both good and bad, with you. I try not to take things personally in life, try not to hold grudges, and try not to get even. But on that one occasion, I did all of the above, and I used this site as a platform for doing so. I put my feelings ahead of everything else. Satan put the bait in front of me, and I took it.

I failed the test; miserably. On that day, I stepped into my dry season, my desert. And I remained there for six weeks. (I know, that’s forty-two days, but who’s counting?)

In order of importance, The Seed of Hope ranks right behind God, Jackie, and my family. It has become my ministry. It is a gift from God. It is, quite simply, a huge part of my life.

I’ve apologized to God for what I did. I’ve apologized to the party that I, in my attempt to get even, offended.

It’s time now for me to offer an apology to you, for using this seed of hope, this gift from God, for my personal self-indulgence. You see, it’s the last step for me out of my own personal desert.

Thanks for visiting. I’m being showered with spiritual rain, and it’s beyond awesome, and I can’t wait to tell you more about coming out of the desert!

A Strange Place

A Strange Place

I’m in a strange place…

I’m in a room with no light, yet it isn’t dark.

I’m standing in a crowd of people, yet no one is there.

Everything around me looks familiar, yet nothing is the same.

I have so much to say and so much to share, yet the words I need are elusive and seemingly just beyond my “mind’s eye.”

I know that God is in my heart, yet I don’t feel His presence.

I’m me, but I’m not me. I’m afraid. I’m frustrated. I’m alone. I’m sad. I’m desperately trying to get out of this strange place. I’m trying to get back on the path; the path that’s illuminated by His light. I’ve been this way, been in this strange place, for the last month. I long to feel the way that I’ve felt for the last four years, since that day in August of 2006 when I was born again.

“GOD, where are You?” I cry out, trapped in my self-made mental prison.

What happened?

I blamed where I was, and how I felt, on being “burned out.” I’d been working hard, and had extended myself a bit too much, or as some like to say, I had “spread myself a bit too thin.” We’d had several personnel changes in our business. We hadn’t had a vacation in two years. Between my wife Jackie, and our family, and work, and church, and The Seed of Hope, there never seemed to be time for rest. Oh, did I forget to mention chasing after God every day, trying to love Him more, and to know Him more, and to see His face more, and to serve Him more? And along the way, trying to be the best Christian that I could possibly be, which we know isn’t always that easy?

Yep, I was burned out, plain and simple.

Eleven days away from our salon, off with Jackie, and spending some time with our family, would do the trick. There would be some quiet time, which meant time for reflection and prayer. I’d reconnect with God, and rekindle that flame for Him that always burns inside, and everything would be great.

A couple of days off and I’d be good as new. I’d crank out some stuff for The Seed of Hope and tell you how great I felt, and how good life was, and how I’d found the compassion that was missing, and how I’d recaptured my “lust for life.”

Guess what?

It didn’t happen.

Don’t get me wrong; it was such a blessing to be “unplugged” and away with Jackie for a while, as it always is. God certainly smiled on me when He put Jackie in my life…

During that time we were able to visit our son Brian and his wife Christina in Virginia, and upon our return spend some time at the lake with our younger son Christian, his wife Amber, and our grandchildren Stephen and Isabella. We had a great time with all of them, made some lasting memories, and experienced several “Kodak Moments.”

There was indeed time for reading, prayer, and meditation.  

We even had the opportunity to host a small church group in our home on Saturday night, and then attend church with our kids the next day. I’ll admit that I did indeed feel God’s presence during both, but not with the intensity that I’ve become accustomed to. And soon as each came to a close, the feeling of God’s nearness was gone. Just like that.

“What’s going on?” I asked time after time. “Have I done something wrong?” “Have I lost my passion for God completely?” “Did someone put a curse on my prayer chair?” “Am I missing something here?”

If you’re thinking that I was alarmed, well, you’re exactly right! I was very alarmed. You see, I remember what it’s like to walk without God’s presence, and I can’t even bring myself to think about my life without Him in it.

The last day…

Today is Tuesday, the last day of our vacation. I woke up at 5:15 this morning to attend a men’s small group through church that meets in our salon each week at 6:15. I went to that small group still looking for the answer to the question “God, where are you?”

I felt God’s presence during the meeting, but again, without the intensity to which I’ve become accustomed. And just as before, when the meeting was over the feeling was gone.

I went back home to have coffee with Jackie, and to share our reading of today’s passages from The One Year Bible guide published by Church of the Highlands here in Birmingham. I was hoping to find a nugget of truth in The Word that might provide some answers to my questions. No such luck; the readings were from 1 Chronicles, Acts, Psalms, and Proverbs. While I enjoying reading all of the passages, none of them gave me any insight into my problem.

Next I turned to The One Year walk with God Devotional, written by Chris Tiegreen. I actually needed to read the messages from the past two days, because we didn’t take the time to read them yesterday.

Both days were devoted to the same passage, Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, and despite its length, I’m gonna share all of it with you.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

Thank you Solomon for writing Ecclesiastes.

Thank you, Chris Tiegreen, for writing The One Year walk with God.

Thank you God, for leading me to both writings.

A Dry Season

If you think about the passage for a moment, you’ll realize that there is indeed a time, a season for everything, and with those seasons, come change. While some of the “times” mentioned may not apply to us literally, they all certainly do in a figurative sense; all of them. Some of these seasons are filled with God’s Abundance, and oh so sweet, while some are everything but.

I’ve heard of people going through spiritual “dry seasons.” During these times, prayers don’t seem to be as powerful, meaningful, or in many cases, necessary at all. Relationships suffer. Life isn’t as “sweet.” Priorities change. God seems to be distant.

Hmmm…

I believe, (and I pray that I’m right) that I’m going through one of those dry seasons right now. The funny thing is that every time I heard warnings about dry seasons, I always thought “That’ll never happen to me. I pray every morning, and I go after God every day, and I’m a soldier of Christ, and I’m a light that shines for Him, and I’m always vigilant against attacks from the enemy.”

Yet here I sit, in my prayer chair, struggling to get through this now identified dry season. At least I know what it is! God is still here…with me…in me. I haven’t done anything wrong. I haven’t lost my passion for Him, or my love for people. I’m not missing anything.

And I’m not giving any credit to Satan for this. I didn’t stumble, or fall, or go astray. This is not his handiwork at all.

What I’m going through right now is a gift from God. He has seen fit to give me another season of change, and when I get through this (I will get through it!) I’m gonna be one step closer to Him and one step closer to fulfilling His plan for me.

I apologize for the length of today’s post, but as is often the case, as I’ve written I’ve learned even more about myself, life, and God’s Way.

And if I haven’t done so in a while, I want to thank you for accompanying me on this journey. And I pray that, even if in a very small way, it helps you on yours.

See you next week!

Where Did It Go?

Where’d it go?

For the past several weeks I’ve sat in front of this laptop to write a post for The Seed of Hope and thought “Where’d it go?”

A couple of weeks ago, Shane, a guy that had worked in our salon for years put in his last day with us, and I let him leave without saying goodbye and wishing him well. Later that night I found myself wondering “Where’d it go?”

I’ve walked into our salon each morning asking “Where’d it go?”

I’ve reached for my iPhone to text several of my closest friends, only to put it back in my pocket, and pondered “Where did it go?”

Morning after morning, day after day, in my prayer chair in our kitchen, I’ve questioned “Where’d it go?”

Last Wednesday night at church, standing amongst a couple of thousand hungry for God, soul searching Christians during the worship portion (singing) of the service, which is usually my favorite part, I was bewildered and near the point of shouting to the heavens “Where’d it go, God? Where’d it go?”

What did I lose?

Well, I lost my lust for life.

Before you go associating my lust with anything sexual, I want to share a definition found in the dictionary:

lust: a : an intense longing: CRAVING <a lust to succeed> b : ENTHUSIASM, EAGERNESS <admired his lust for life>

So when I tell you that I lost my lust for life, what I’m saying is that I lost my enthusiasm for writing, and for our salon. I lost my compassion for people; to be with them, and to love on ‘em. I lost the need for prayer.

Worst of all, and I mean the worst of all, was that I lost my craving for God. Perhaps that’s why, of all the words in the English language, I chose the word lust. You see, I don’t have just a desire to know Him, or to walk with Him, or to be filled with His Spirit. I don’t just seek His face, or want His presence. It’s like this: the more I get of Him, the more I want of Him. Enough is never enough. It’s just that simple. When that lust was gone, I knew that something was wrong.

So, what happened? Where’d it go?

Burnt Out

You ever used that term to describe the way you felt at a particular time in your life? Not tired, beat, done, or exhausted, but burnt out.

I did a little research on the subject, and this is an excerpt of what I found at www.Time-Management-Guide.com:

          Are you at risk of burnout syndrome?

Burnout is a chronic condition that happens when your body or mind can no longer cope with overwhelmingly high demands. You are trapped in a state of emotional exhaustion, and it is hard to get out of the state. You stop caring about what you do, even though you may feel guilty about the fact. Even if you still continue working, it seems hard to make progress. You hardly accomplish anything significant, and just go through the motions.

Sound familiar?

The burnout syndrome referenced above was actually about job related burnout, but in this instance I’d rather apply it to life in general. There are so many things in the world, and in our personal lives that cause burnout.

Careers, relationships, raising our kids, finances, dwindling retirement accounts, peer pressure, health issues, oil spills, commitments that we don’t need, and trying to make people happy are just a few challenges in our lives. The list goes on and on and on. I’m not trying to overwhelm you with negatives here, but to let you know that you’re not the only one with a lot of “junk” to deal with.

As that junk accumulates, and as our proverbial “plates” get more and more full, our perspective towards the things that are most important to us changes. And our minds trick us into believing that our hearts have changed.

I want to use the tongue as an analogy. Yep, that’s what I said; the tongue.

Or better yet, let’s talk about taste buds for a minute. You make wake up tomorrow morning to find that you detest the taste of a vegetable, or meat, or soft drink that you’ve liked since you were a kid. It’s happened to me before. How about you? What happened? Well, your taste buds changed.

Pardon my Southern slang, but there’s a whole lotta difference between our hearts and our taste buds. You don’t just wake up one morning to find that affairs of the heart, like love and compassion for others, or what you do in and with your life, or the things that you hold most dear, or especially your passion for God, have taken a back seat to other issues. Or that they just don’t matter much anymore. It just doesn’t happen that way.

It seems as though I have fallen prey to burnout syndrome, and to be quite honest with you, it caught up with me when I wasn’t looking. As I sit here and reflect on things, I shouldn’t really be surprised at all…

“Life comes at you fast.”

If you’ve missed it, that quote is a tagline for a major insurance company. Truer words were never spoken. Life does indeed come at you fast, and quite often it comes at you hard. If you turn away for a minute (at least it seems like just a minute), you turn back to face what’s in front of you and it has grown exponentially! The pile of “life stuff” that’s composed of what you’ve done and what you still have to do is so completely intimidating and overwhelming that it, well, it changes your heart. And it steals the joy out of the good things in life.

Today marks the beginning of a ten day vacation for my wife Jackie and me. As it has done so often in the past, time just slipped away from us. We haven’t had a vacation in two years.

When I finish this post, I’m gonna step away from this laptop, and my ambitions, and all of the stuff that’s piled up on my plate.

I’m gonna go spend some time with Jackie (she’s still my best friend after 21+ years of marriage), and I’m gonna get back in touch with my heart. I’m gonna get back in touch with God, and I know that when I do, I’m gonna find the joy, contentment, and peace that’s been missing for the last several weeks.

Then I’ll be back and ready to go, better than ever.

Until I “see” you again, be safe, be well, and may God bless you.