The Seed of Hope

Reading the Bible

I’ve confessed to you before that I didn’t start reading the Bible until just over a year ago; actually it was just after my 55th birthday. What I didn’t tell you was why it took me so long. I was afraid. I’ll say it again; I was afraid. Not of the Bible, but my interpretation of it. I’ll explain.

If you’re a new visitor, I’ll tell you that I’m a Roman Catholic (not that my being a Catholic really matters in regards to God; see the post on Faith, dated October 31, 2008). I was baptized in a Catholic Church, attended Catholic schools, went to Mass (church) every day before school, and had religion class in grade school and high school. I’m still a practicing member of the Catholic Church. You get it; I’m steeped in the Catholic Faith.

Funny thing about the Catholic Church; when I was young, reading the Bible was never a focal point in life. (I’m not trying to insult fellow Catholics; it’s just the way it was.) I mean, we didn’t have ‘Bible school’ for kids, and adults didn’t have ‘Bible study’ groups (not that I was aware of). I guess what I’m trying to say is that reading the Bible was never stressed as being a necessary ingredient in leading a Christian life, which is not what one would expect from the “one, true, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church”. So my ‘official’ reason for not reading the Bible all those years was that no one told me I needed to.

Now back to the real reason for my reluctance: FEAR.

When I was in, I don’t know, maybe the fourth or fifth grade, our assignment one night was to read a few selected chapters from the Bible and write a report on what we’d read. Well, I did exactly that, and when it was time for religion class I confidently pulled out my paper on what I’d learned in the Bible.

I got it all wrong! Before I continue, I need to explain something to you: back then, most of the teachers at Catholic schools were Benedictine Nuns (in full garb; robes, full head-pieces, Rosary beads hanging from a waist sash). My teachers in fourth and fifth grade were from Germany, I believe, and very strict. If you made a mistake, neither of them had a problem pointing it out to you. God bless them, looking back on it now, I realize that they were serving God and their students in the best way they knew how…..

So anyway, I was told in no uncertain terms that I had it all wrong; I had completely misunderstood the message and meaning of the selected readings. And the ‘wall’ went up in my mind. And I never read the Bible. Oh, I heard selected readings from the Bible in church every Sunday; in fact I was a lector for a few years, but I never paid attention to what I read. I always listened closely to the sermons, because quite often they centered on the reading of the day. That’s as close as I ever got to the Holy Bible.

Until…..

It was my good friend Ann that pointed me in the direction of the Bible. Not long after my epiphany (article posted November 24, 2008), I kept bumping into mental ‘ceilings’. That is to say, I had questions regarding my abilities, worthiness, and ‘purpose’ in life. I was in uncharted waters, so to speak, not only in my walk as a businessman, but more importantly, in my walk of faith. In the middle of all of the changes going on in my life, God put it on my heart to go out and share the result of these changes with others.

At a time when I should have been brimming with confidence, I was plagued by doubts that this so-called ‘message’ for others really was from God. I mean, why me? Why would He, why should He pick me to be one of His messengers? I certainly had never done anything that would qualify for that ‘position’.

I conveyed these doubts to Ann, and she told me to read Jeremiah 1:4-9 (Jeremiah Chapter 1, Verses 4-9).

The word of the LORD came to me saying, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born, I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” “Ah, Sovereign LORD” I said, “I do not know how to speak; I am too young.” But the LORD said to me “Do not say ‘I am too young.’ You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them for I AM with you, and will rescue you” declares the LORD.” Then the LORD reached out His hand and touched my mouth and said to me “I have put My words in your mouth.”

I’ll tell you; this did give me some comfort. (For the record, I’ve never considered myself to be a prophet; I’m just a guy with a message to share.) Still, the doubts lingered, and time after time Ann would direct me to a certain chapter and verse that would, well, that would give me rest (some peace of mind). And each time I would get a little closer to reading the Bible. Closer, but not there yet. Have you heard the term “going, kicking and screaming’? Well, I won’t say I was that reluctant, but I was certainly dragging my feet.

Finally, on September 28, 2007, the day after my birthday, I purchased my first Bible, the NIV version; and I began to read.

What really did it…

I awoke one morning with a dream still fresh on my mind. In this dream, I had seen John, a very close friend with whom I hadn’t spoken in years. I was so surprised to see John that I actually asked (in my dream), “John, what are you doing in my dream?” John’s reply was “38”. Again I asked the same question, and again John replied “38”. Nothing more; nothing less.

I got out of bed thinking John 38. John 38. John 38. Couldn’t get it off my mind….what did it mean? And then the light bulb turned on! Are you ready for this?

Sam Maniscalco, the 55 year old Catholic who had never read, studied, turned to, or thought of the Bible headed straight for it! I almost told you that I didn’t know what made me go for the Bible that morning, and I didn’t know at the time, but I know the reason now. I always say that sometimes God gives you subtle hints about things, and sometimes He drops a brick on your head to get your attention. This was God dropping a brick on my head; and He used a dream to do it!

Sorry, I got sidetracked.

I made my way to the kitchen, grabbed my Bible, and settled into my ‘prayer chair’ (more about my chair later). Like a child on Christmas morning opening a surprise gift, I nervously leafed through the Bible looking for John 38; I knew that I was going to find something meaningful. And there it was…..NOT.

For those of you not familiar with the Bible, there’s not a John 38. I was so disappointed. Just seconds earlier I had been overwhelmed with Joy that the Bible had become enough a part of me that I had automatically turned to its pages for enlightenment. No John 38. Couldn’t believe it; I had been so sure…..

But wait. How about John chapter 3, verse 8? Again, with trembling fingers, I delicately turned the pages of my Bible to see if God had indeed sent me a message. This is what I found:

“The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the spirit.”

Why was this message so meaningful to me?

For days, weeks, months, I had been questioning God’s plans for me, how He would use me as His soldier, as one of His messengers, and where He would take me. His message for me, through John 3:8? Don’t worry about where you’re going. I’ll take you where I want you to go. Be still.

I’ve been reading ever since.

More on this topic next Monday.

contact me: sam@theseedofhope.com

The Tattoo

Do you have a tattoo? If not, have you ever wanted to have one?

Since I was a kid I’ve always had a fascination with tattoos, for various reasons. My attention was drawn to some tats (slang) because they were works of art. Some tats have a clearly defined purpose as a memoriam or tribute to an individual, i.e. God, Mother, loved one, country, etc. Conversely, I could stare at some tattoos for hours trying to make some rhyme or reason for their existence!

My underlying question was “Why?” Why would someone want a tattoo? What could have enough significance to warrant the permanence, and the frequent ridicule that often comes with having a tat? Fashion statements, statements of defiance, and statements of life; all good reasons for getting a tattoo, I guess.

Truth be told, I’d always wanted a tattoo, but never got one. It wasn’t the anticipated pain. It wasn’t the price. It was the permanence of a tattoo, as in forever. I couldn’t think of anything that I wanted to have on my body for the rest of my life!

Until August of 2006….it’s another of those days that I can remember as vividly as if it were yesterday; I just can’t remember the date (at 56, I can use the excuse of old age!).

Jackie and I were watching Miami Ink, which is a television series about, you guessed it, a tattoo parlor (I used to watch it every week; I told you that I had a fascination with tats!). So anyway, this guy and his son enter this parlor to get crosses tattooed on their back and arm, respectively. While I didn’t like the designs of the crosses that they chose, I liked the concept.

I looked at Jackie and matter-of-factly said “A lot of things may change in my life, but I will never stop being a Christian. I want a tattoo.”

The next day Jackie accompanied me to see a local tattoo artist that had been recommended by a friend. We put our heads together and came up with a potential design for a tattoo.

Two days later that potential design became a reality!

If you look closely, you will see:

His crown of thorns.

The wings of the Holy Spirit.

The sword of a warrior.

The letter "M" which stands for Maniscalco.

And oh-by-the-way, apart from the crown of thorns, this cross wasn't designed with any of the above in mind!

Okay, the fact that I got a tat doesn’t warrant an article on this website. A lot of people have tattoos, right? What’s the big deal?

This…..

That night Jackie and I were sitting in the kitchen admiring my new ‘work of art’ when I looked at Jackie and confidently said “It’s official. I’m officially a soldier of Christ. I’m here to do His bidding.”

Jackie sat there in stunned silence as the last of the sentence came out of my mouth. I can only imagine how I may have appeared to her; to say that I was merely stunned would be a huge understatement! I had never even formed a thought like that in my mind, much less say it out loud…..to a person!

Don’t get me wrong; I wasn’t ashamed or embarrassed about what I’d said; I was actually, amazingly, filled with a sense of pride, and emboldened by a new found courage! I did feel like a soldier of Christ, and I was indeed ready to go out and do His bidding. Obviously, I still feel that way…..

I’m sure that you’ve heard the phrase ‘born again’ used in religious circles. I was never really fond of the saying. I mean, if someone already knew who God was, how could he be ‘reborn’, as faith applies?

Okay, okay, all of you guys that are really steeped in the bible and theology-----CALM DOWN! I know that the term means being born in and of the spirit of Christ; I know because several of you have told me. I neither disagree nor agree with you, but I would rather use a term that I think is more in keeping with what I believe happened to me on that day in August.

I was awakened to recognize the spirituality of God that was already in me! I offer you this line of thought:

I believe in the omnipresence of God; He is everywhere and in everything. There is no place that He is not. If you are having a hard time wrapping your mind around this belief, stick with me on this journey and you will come to know what I mean. I will continue under the assumption that you agree with me on this. 

If you believe that God is omnipresent, that He is everywhere, then you should understand that He is in all of us. Yes, that means you too! Still with me?

If God is in us, so too is His spirit, and all that it encompasses. Which leads me to believe that I was not ‘born again’ unto Christ; I was awakened to His presence within me!

I’ll offer more insight on being ‘born again’ in the future; promise.

You can say that I was ‘born again’ the day I got my tat; I won’t disagree with you. Or you can say that my tattoo day was the day that I woke up. Either way, that day, that moment, would prove to be a huge turning point in my life.

God heard my proclamation. And I believe that He knew my intentions to be pure. You see, I didn’t make that vow to stand up for Him expecting something in return. What I said aloud to Jackie, and to myself, was what I felt in my heart, pure and simple. What He has seen fit to bestow upon me since that day is, well, is beyond any fairy tale that I could have written for myself.

contact me: sam@theseedofhope.com

Being Mad at God

I just sent an e-mail to Jim Elliott, an old friend that is currently receiving chemotherapy treatments for ‘appendiceal adenocarcinoma cancer’ which involves, you guessed it; the appendix. This type of cancer is so rare that oncologists aren’t really sure as to the best methods of treatment. Surgery to remove the tumor was ruled out, and it was agreed that chemo was that best plan of action.

Jim decided to share his journey with others through CaringBridge, a website designed for doing just that. Jim has a journal in which he can make daily entries detailing his ‘walk’ in fighting this dreaded disease, sharing his thoughts with his family and friends. I have found his willingness to tell his story quite remarkable, and I have conveyed to him that his courage will be a beacon of light for others to follow.

Jim’s most recent post contained the great news that the cancer cells were responding to chemo! He also shared some thoughts about God, his family, friends, and the support that he has received through CaringBridge. And then, almost as an afterthought, Jim added that he was still ‘pissed off’ about the cancer.

You know, I don’t blame Jim one bit for being angry that he has cancer! I mean, who wouldn’t be upset about be diagnosed with the ‘Big C’? My question for Jim was this: “Are you mad at God for letting you get cancer, or are you just mad that getting cancer was ‘the hand that was dealt’ to you?”

I think that it’s okay to tell God about the way you feel. But there’s a fine line between being mad about what He gives you in life, and being mad at Him for it. You don’t want to cross that line, at least not for any length of time.

I offered a post to you on November 14^th titled My Walk in Life, in which I briefly mentioned redefining our relationships with God. I’d like to take the ‘religious’ aspect of those relationships and put it on the shelf for a minute. You see, among all that God is to and for me, He is my friend. The last statement deserves more attention than I’m going to give it right now; it will be a topic for another day.

I want to take a moment to talk about friends, and I’m going to use my relationship with my wife Jackie as an example. I’ve told you before that Jackie is my best friend, which is remarkable considering the fact that we’ve worked together for the past 19 years! Be that as it may, there have been those rare occasions when she’s done something that has ‘pissed me off’! Of course, I’ve never done anything that would make her mad at me. J

This anger has always been short-lived, not only because we love each other, but because we are friends. If you have a true friend, or if you are a true friend, you know that friendship involves acceptance and forgiveness. God has forgiven me so many times for transgressions that I’ve committed against Him. How can I not possibly accept the hardships that He has seen fit to give me along the way?

There have been times in my life when, fit to be tied (really mad), I’ve looked up to the heavens and said “Look God, I don’t question why you’ve given me this cross to bear. I know that everything You give me, good or bad, is for a reason. I’m not going to ask You to take this cross off my shoulders. I only ask You to give me the strength to carry this burden, and I’ll do it gladly. But I want You to know, just for the record, that I’m not happy about it.”

Here’s the thing: God has always blessed me with the strength to get through the trials and tribulations that He has given me in life. Always. I think this may be in part due to the fact that I ask Him for it. I believe, if you will only ask, that He will do the same for you.

He has never let me down.

contact me: sam@theseedofhope.com

If you’d like to visit Jim’s page, use the link below. I’m sure that he’d love the hearing from you.

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/jimelliott