Coincidences

I don’t know about you, but I don’t believe in coincidences. I believe that everything happens for a reason, because everything that happens is part of God’s plan for us. I’ll give you an example:

The weeks and months following my “epiphany” (see The Epiphany 11/17/08) were a bit unsettling. After all, I had asked God to take my hand and lead me to wherever it was that He wanted me to go, and to help me to be what he wanted me to be. And I meant it. But let me tell you….at 53 I was settled into my ways, and even though I wasn’t really happy with who I was, it rattled me a bit when God accepted my offer and started changing me!

Did you notice that I didn’t say that I was AFRAID? That’s because I wasn’t; for the first time in my life I had really given it up to Him. It was the uncertainty of what I was becoming that was getting to me.

This is gonna be one of those times that the words aren’t going to come easily, so bear with me as I reach for the right ones…..

God started working on me the very day that I asked for His help! For the first time in my life I was filled with something that I’d never experienced before; it actually took me about a half a day to realize what it was: HOPE. I don’t mean that hope crept into my life gradually….I mean, the moment I reached out to take His hand he started lifting me up. I don’t know if it was the Holy Spirit, or His presence, or my state of mind, or all of the above, but I wanted to change. Better yet, I knew that I was going to change.

So each day, from that point on, I examined every facet of my life; my relationship with Jackie, the way I dealt with people, the manner in which I reacted to certain situations, my outlook towards our business, my outlook towards myself…..everything was under close scrutiny. If I was going to change who I was, I had to look “inside”, in every dark corner, in all the mental closets in which I had hidden so many fears for so many years. I figured that the only way for me to find my good qualities was to dig through all the bad ones, right? So I dug, and dug, and dug….relentlessly….every day. Sleep didn’t come easy, and when it did come, it was only for a couple of hours at a time.

You will not believe how quickly the self-discoveries came, how much enlightenment I received, and how quickly I was able to identify and shed the “old layers” of my past. It was like having a Bloomin’ Onion at Outback Steakhouse every day! Amazing. Humbling. Weird.

And Scary

Think about scraping layers of paint off of a very old home; you know, one of those antique things that you see on the television series This Old House. When those guys start taking away the old layers I always find myself wondering “What’s really under there?”

In this instance, I was the old house. I was the painter doing the scraping. I was the viewer waiting to see what would be revealed. When shedding every vestige of your former self, you have to wonder what would be left. I knew that God was changing me, but what was He changing me into? What would be left of “Sam”? Would I know him? Would Jackie love him? Would I like him? What talents would he have? So many questions….so few answers.

THE Game

In case you don’t know it, I’m a big college football fan, and I’m a HUGE fan of The University of Alabama Crimson Tide! I started “following” them as a kid, became a rabid fan during my teen years, and attended “Bama” after graduating from high school.

College football is a big deal in the South, and in the state of Alabama, the rivalry between Bama, and that “other” school, Auburn University, has caused broken friendships, divided families, and sad but true, divorces. I only wish that I was kidding about that one. You get the idea, right? Intense rivalry.

After years of winning seasons and national championships, Alabama was found guilty of some recruiting violations and was placed on probation for several years. Wins didn’t come as easily or as often. As they say in the South, the “natives were gettin’ restless”, and I was one of them.

When things are going good in football, you always look at the team and its star players. When things are going badly, you always look at the coach! Let’s just say that going into the Auburn game, a lot of eyes were fixed on Alabama’s head coach, Mike Shula.

November 17, 2006

Okay, I know you’re not here to read about football, but be patient; I’m getting there!

Auburn was the visiting team, and going in, I was pretty much fed up with Coach Shula’s conservative approach. I passed up an opportunity to attend the game and opted for watching on television at home.

Alabama took control of the game early, and definitely had the momentum as they were in a position to score a touchdown early in the game. The crowd was going nuts! The players were pumped up. I was beside myself! But true to form, Coach Shula’s conservatism showed its ugly face.

I looked at my watch, turned to my wife Jackie and said “If we settle for a field goal instead of going for the touchdown, we’re going to church!” (Catholics may satisfy their Sunday obligation on Saturday). Jackie looked at me and replied “You are kidding me, aren’t you?” You see, I had never walked out on an Alabama-Auburn game….never would’ve dreamed of it!

You can imagine what happened next: Alabama kicked the field goal, and I bolted for the door with Jackie in close pursuit. We hopped in the car, covered the distance from our house in minutes, and walked into a less-than-half full church as Mass (the Catholic term for a service) began.

I hate to admit this, but for the first half of Mass my mind was on the game. Well, it wasn’t really on the game….I was really marveling over the fact that I was sitting in church instead of at home on the edge of my seat. I remember thinking that “God must really want me here for a reason.”

The congregation sat down for the Homily (Sermon), and as soon as Fr. Joe (the Pastor) began speaking, I knew why God wanted me to be in church.

Father Joe’s message was about having “purpose” in our lives, or more specifically, God's purpose for each one of us. Some of us recognize God’s plan for us early on, while others spend a lifetime searching for their reason for existence. We’re so obsessed with the questions that we often overlook the answers that God will readily give to us if we will only ……Be Still.

Jackie and I looked at each other, tears welling up in our eyes, amazed yet again at God’s sense of timing.

At a point in my life when my mind was filled with question and doubt, when I was searching for my identity and my reason for being, you could call it a coincidence that my team was having a bad game, during a bad year. And during that game, against all odds, against football “man-law”, I would get up and go to church, only to receive a message that I desperately needed to hear.  

God put me in that church, on that day, to hear that particular message. That night, for the first time in weeks, sleep wasn’t so elusive. And that was no coincidence, either.

God is good!

Contact me: sam@theseedofhope.com