The Reluctant Leader
I was tempted to title this post “The Gift of The Holy Spirit II”, as it is a follow-up to the original post which was made on April 19, 2009. I changed my mind at the last minute, because until a few months ago, until the Holy Spirit took over, I was a reluctant leader, indeed…
I guess that at certain times of my life, better yet, for the majority of my life, I’ve been put in the position of being a leader. As an older brother, husband, father, and business owner, many have looked to me for leadership.
I don’t know exactly why that was the case…perhaps it was that, mentally, I was always older than my years. I think that I must have come out of my mother’s womb as an adult, because I can’t really remember the joy that should have come with being young. I don’t recall being just a kid, with no worries or cares. My family didn’t have a lot of money…didn’t have much money…okay, we were a couple of steps above being dirt poor when I was little, so I grew up at a young age. I had to grow up; there were no other options.
My early-age maturity set the table for people looking to me for leadership…for answers. By the time I was in my late teens and early twenties even my parents looked to me for guidance in some areas. And I must admit that I was flattered that people respected me enough to look to me for leadership.
BUT…
I didn’t want to be a leader; didn’t want any part of it! You see, I didn’t think that I was qualified to lead anyone. In my mind, a “leader” is defined as someone who can steer, direct, or take people to where they want to go, where they need to go. A leader should have a vision for what lies ahead, for what is to be achieved. A leader should be committed to making that vision a reality. One more thought about a leader…it’s not necessarily about the leader’s vision being right or wrong…it’s about the act of stepping up to be a leader.
I didn’t have a vision for my own life, so how could I have a vision for someone else’s? How could I possibly be a leader for others when I had no sense of direction and no burning desire to achieve anything, because I didn’t know what I wanted to achieve. Besides, I really didn’t think that I was good enough, or worthy enough, to achieve much, but that’s a topic best saved for another day.
For all those years, I was a reluctant leader, especially in business, until…
One day; the day I got my tattoo, the day that I committed myself to being a soldier of Christ, the day that I was born again. On that day everything started to change. My perspective on life, on people, on myself, and most importantly, on God changed. God began working in me and through me to reach out to others. I formed a vision for our business and made a commitment to make that vision a reality. Let me clarify something: My vision, oddly enough, was not for our business, but for the people working for us. I was becoming a leader.
But something was still missing. I was becoming a leader, alright, but it was out of a sense of obligation to those around me, and not because it was something that was really in my heart.
Catalyst
To refresh your memory, and for you first time visitors, Catalyst was a men’s retreat sponsored by The Church of The Highlands that I attended in March of this year.
On the second day of Catalyst I signed up to take part in Discovery 301, a class in which the participant (that would be me) answers a few hundred multiple choice questions as a way of taking a look “inside.”
The first section of the questionnaire defined my personality traits. Without going into a lot of detail, I’ll tell you that my results showed that I was an I-C personality, which basically meant that while I was competent, cautious, inspiring, and influencing, I wasn’t really a strong leader. This came as a surprise to the moderator, Pastor Joshua Canizaro, who knew that I had been a business owner for many years. It came, of course, as no surprise to me; I knew that I was a reluctant leader, and told him as much.
The second section of the questionnaire helped to determine my spiritual gifts. No surprises there…my gifts, in descending order, were evangelism, faith, and encouraging others.
I walked away from Discovery emboldened by the fact the results had validated the Evangelism that had been growing inside of me, but a little disheartened that I seemed to lack leadership.
Later that night I took part in a Baptism of The Holy Spirit; that is took say that I asked to receive The Holy Spirit into my life. If you haven’t read the post that I referenced at the beginning of this one, I urge you to do so because it will give you some insight as to what I’m going to tell you next.
Fast forward one month…
Jackie (my wife) and I were participating in Growth Track, a series of four classes offered to newcomers at Highlands. The third class in the series was Discover 301 (yes, the same one that I had taken at Catalyst). I decided that I would not only accompany Jackie to the class, but answer the questions again; just to see if anything had changed. Prior to taking the “test” I cleared my mind as best I could and asked God to help me answer all the questions from my heart…
Okay, let me just get right to the point on this:
On the personality profile, my strongest traits were “D-I”, which meant that I was direct, decisive, inspiring, and influencing. In other words, I was a leader inspiring others.
My spiritual gifts were, in descending order, leadership, evangelism, and faith.
I sat there, stunned by the new results, but not really surprised. You see, since that night at Catalyst, I had felt the presence of The Holy Spirit growing in me! Whereas before I enjoyed sharing the gift of God with others, I now want to stand atop the highest mountain and shout His praises. Before, I would ask God to open doors for me…now I’ll run through walls for Him! There is nothing, nothing that I wouldn’t do for Him.
With regards to being a leader? Oh, I accept my role as a leader in our salon, and, and it is more of a joy than it has ever been. As far as my personal life is concerned, I believe that my role, my purpose of being, is to enlighten people about Christ and lead people to Him. And as I’ve told you before, I do this with a boldness that has taken many by surprise.
More than a suggestion…
In the original post I suggested that you might want to call on the Holy Spirit the next time that you’re in prayer. I’m rescinding that suggestion. Instead, I’m imploring you to ask to be filled with Him with all that is in you. And I don’t mean once; every time that you’re in prayer I want you to ask to receive Him. Without fail.
As a rule, I don’t like to make promises, because quite often they lead to the promisor failing to deliver and the promisee being disappointed. BUT, I’m going to promise you this:
You keep calling on the Holy Spirit to fill you, and I believe with all that is in me that He will do it. It may not be that day, or that week, or even that month…but it will happen. You will receive His comfort and strength, and in doing so you will be filled by a sense of peace unlike any you have ever known. And those attacks from Satan? (He does come after you, even if you don’t realize it.) I’m not gonna sit here and tell you that they’ll stop, but I am gonna tell you that with The Holy Spirit the odds of you kicking his butt increase exponentially!
How do I know that this will happen for you?
Because that’s the way our God is.
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Romans 15:13 (NIV)
See you next Monday!
