The Seed of Hope

and into the Light.

Once in every life there comes a time

We walk out all alone and into the light

Two weeks I had the absolute honor and blessing of being an Anointer at a LIFE (Living in Freedom Everyday) retreat that was being held at Church of The Highlands here in Birmingham. The two day retreat was the culmination of a twelve week small group program that was designed to help people rid themselves of emotional “baggage” that they’d being carrying around for months, years, and in some instances, lifetimes.

The retreat was divided into four sessions, with two specific target areas within each of the four sessions. The “affairs of the heart and mind” in these areas included, among others, forgiving, being forgiven, greed, and shame. Again, my role in the retreat was that of an Anointer. I was one of a team of sixty or seventy people whose purpose was to pray for an individual to be released from his particular burden, or as the case may be, burdens.

It was the first session of the second day…

The focus was on being released from the emotional scarring that was the result of being abused (mentally and physically), molested, raped, etc.  Quite obviously, this retreat is not for the faint of heart, but then again, if you want real freedom, you have to face these types of issues to get it.

So this guy, (whom I’ll call Frank) probably in his early forties, comes up to me for prayer. In an attempt to “loosen things up,” I shook his hand, told him my name, and with a smile on my face asked, “So brother, what’s on your heart?”

His answer, and his matter-of-fact demeanor in giving it, momentarily sent my mind reeling…

“All of it. I was abused. I was molested. I was taken advantage of. All of this happened when I was a child.”

As he was telling me this, he never looked away. Not once. Even as he was groping for just the right words, he never looked away. This poor man had been carrying this terrible burden all of those years, and his boldness in sharing the hurt with me, a total stranger, let me know that he was ready for freedom.

As I looked into Frank’s eyes and listened to the outpouring of his heart, I felt his pain. But I felt something else than was equal to, and perhaps an even greater burden than the painful memories of what he had endured.

Guilt and Shame

Somehow and at some time, probably when he was still in his youth, Frank had claimed not only the guilt for what happened to him but the shame that accompanied that guilt.

Even as I was talking to Frank, I was reflecting on the guilt and shame that I had carried around for years. No, I wasn’t abused, molested, or anything of that nature. My baggage was the result of things that I’d willfully done to myself and to others throughout the years; the years before I had my spiritual awakening in 2006.

If you’re a new visitor, and if you’re curious, I’ll go ahead and tell you that I wasn’t an evil person before I was born again. But then, I was no saint. At some time in my life, I had either literally or biblically broken every one of the Ten Commandments. (According to God’s Word, if you’ve committed murder in your mind, you’ve committed murder. The same can be said for lustful thoughts, envy, etc. You get what I’m saying, right?) And with every one of those broken Commandments, large and small, the pile began to grow, and with it came even more shame and guilt.

In Frank’s case, I really believe that he’d gotten beyond the majority of the pain from his experiences long ago. It’s my belief that either he’d never been aware of his shame and misplaced guilt, or no one had ever confronted him with it as openly as I had.  

Forgiveness

I want to share with you what I told Frank that day before I prayed with him, and it was drawn, not from what he had shared with me, but from my own experience…

Several months had passed since my awakening, and I found myself drawing closer and closer to God. I had a desire to know and experience Him, and that desire quickly gave way to hunger, which ultimately became a passion. To be honest with you, “along the way” I was addicted to cigarettes for thirty years and cocaine for a year and a half, and I’ll tell you here and now that neither of them came close to the addiction that I have for God and His presence in my life.

As I was growing “in Him” I knew that there was a problem; one that had to be addressed. You see, I had apologized to God for the things that I had done wrong in my life. I had asked Him for forgiveness, and I believed that I had indeed been forgiven. The next step, which I believe to be an obstacle for many of us, was to forgive myself for all the things that I’d done. That was a big one. I thought that I was home free…

Shadows

Do you remember reading or hearing the story of Adam and Eve, and how they hid from God after they’d eaten the forbidden fruit? Or maybe there was a time when you had done something wrong, and you’d hid from your parents? Perhaps there a time when you got caught in a lie, or in an embarrassing situation, and you just wanted to go hide under a rock? You know what I’m talking about, don’t you? You wanted to remain unseen and unnoticed, in the shadows.

That’s what happened to me with God! I believed with all that was in me that He had forgiven me and that I had for the most part, if not completely, forgiven myself. But I was still hiding in the shadows.

I remember the first time that I stepped out of the shadows and into God’s light. I’d been praying about it for days, asking the Holy Spirit to fill me with enough courage. Looking back on it now, I don’t know that it was fear that I was trying to overcome as much as it was simply believing that I was worthy of standing in God’s light. I just couldn’t get past myself.

And maybe, just maybe, my old adversary Satan didn’t want me stepping out into the light. I believe he knew that when I finally did, my relationship with God would reach another level. He wasn’t wrong.

Unbelievable

I’m telling you, just like I told my new friend Frank, that God knows what’s in your heart. If you’re truly sorry, and you ask Him for forgiveness, it’s done. Just like that. You’re forgiven. The slate is wiped clean. Jesus already paid the price for your transgressions. All that you have to do is ask.

And then, in your mind’s eye, you step out from the shadows and into the brightest light that you’ve ever seen. It’s God’s love. It’s His Grace, and His Forgiveness, and I promise you that it’s unlike anything that you ever have, or ever will experience. Ever. I promise. Get past yourself, and Satan’s tricks, and step out into the light. God’s light.

Because we believe.

I leave you today with a few verses from Because We Believe, a song recorded by Andrea Bocelli. I cry every time I listen to it, not only because of what it says, but because it was God’s plan for me to hear it for the first time the day that I stepped out into the light.

                Once in every life there comes a time

                We walk out all alone and into the light

                The feeling won’t last but then

                We remember it again

                When we close our eyes

                Like stars across the sky

                We were born to shine

                All of us here because we believe

Go ahead. Say a prayer, take a deep breath, and step out into God’s light. It’s where you belong. You’ll be glad that you did.

A Natural Fit

Last month, and at the last minute, I decided to attend an ARC (Association of Related Churches) Conference in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. For weeks leading up to the conference I had been asking God for some clarity on a decision that my wife Jackie and I needed to make, and for some reason I believed that He was gonna give me that clarity in Baton Rouge…

TSPA

A few months ago Jackie and I were offered an opportunity to partner with a Birmingham businesswoman and fellow church member in opening a TSPA (The Salon Professional Academy), a school of cosmetology, just a couple of miles from our hair salon.

Conservative by nature, especially when it comes to making business decisions, I carefully weighed the pros and cons of moving forward with the potentially life-altering investment.

There were many reasons on the positive side of the ledger.

·         First and foremost in my mind was the potential for creating a healthy source of revenue for Jackie and me that would extend well into our retirement years.

·         We’d have an established business to pass along to our sons when, well, when it was time.

·         Jackie, who has been a stylist working “behind the chair” for decades, would be able to scale back her work load and share her many years of experience with our students, which is something that she’s always wanted to do.

·         I would bring my twenty-two years of business in the salon industry to the table. I’d also have the opportunity to share my core beliefs about business, life, and of course my faith, with the students.

·         We would have the opportunity and blessing of helping grow careers.

·         Oh, and did I mention the money? I think that, above all else, I saw the TSPA and the income that it would generate as a safety net for me to go out and serve the Lord, whenever and wherever I was called to do so.

We were, according to many in our industry, a “natural fit” to be TSPA owners.

The list of reasons on the negative side of the ledger was a short one. In fact, the list consisted of two items.

·         The initial investment was huge, and at fifty-eight, neither Jackie nor I felt really comfortable about it. I won’t say that we were stricken with fear. After all, we’d taken another huge risk when we relocated our business in 2005. Still, I felt that while the business acumen between Jackie, me, and our business partner wouldn’t guarantee success, it would certainly increase the odds of it happening. Again, we’d be a natural fit.

·         It would be, simply put, another business to run. (For those of you who have never owned a business, this is where I tell you that they don’t come with “easy” buttons or “auto-pilot” switches.)

On Monday, the day before I left for Baton Rouge, I received an e-mail confirming that a reservation in my name had been made in a New York City hotel a week after my return from the conference. (Jackie had a previous commitment to attend a retreat in California that she didn’t want to miss.) I was scheduled to be in New York to finalize plans for the TSPA, to sign a letter of commitment, and to put a security deposit on the deal. The time to make a decision was at hand, and we weren’t ready.

Riding to Baton Rouge the next morning with my friend Rusty, I remember thinking, “God, if You’re gonna give me some clarity on this TSPA thing, it needs to be soon. This is cuttin’ it kinda close.”

Wednesday night

We’d been at the conference for two days, and in that time I’d had a lot of revelations about a lot of things. Of course, I gotten nothing (nada, zero, zilch, goose eggs) regarding the decision that I would have to make upon my return to Birmingham on Thursday night.

It was the last session of a very long, inspiring, impactful day. I’m quite sure that it was God’s plan for me that my Pastor (Chris Hodges), of my church (Church of The Highlands) was on the stage giving the last message of the day. Pastor Chris’ focus was on putting down “mental baggage” that many of us manage to accumulate during the years. At some point he extended an invitation (an altar call) to all who were burdened to approach the stage for prayer.

Feeling no burdens on my heart, I opted to remain where I was, and to pray for the hearts and minds of those crowded at the front of the auditorium. Eyes closed, while listening to Pastor Chris, and praying, and singing (yes, God allowed me to do all of those at the same time), my thoughts turned to the TSPA.

I’ll relate what happened next to the best of my ability…

My prayer: Dear God, I seek only to do Your will, and to follow the path of the perfect plan that I know you have for me. I want to love You, and to serve You. I offer my life to You today, as I do every day. Please help me with this decision. Please give me clarity. Please allow me to see, without question, the choice that I should make.”

I believe that there have been three times in my life when I have clearly heard God’s voice, and this was one of them.

“Now is not the time to open the school. You’re exactly where you’re supposed to be, doing exactly what you’re supposed to be doing. Be patient. Wait for me.”

That was all the answer that I needed. I returned to Birmingham the next day and told Jackie about what had happened. Our decision was made. I sent an e-mail to all of the parties involved informing them of our decision to back out. I informed them that it just wasn’t in our hearts to open a school, and hoped that they would understand.

End of story?

Not hardly.

When I sat down to write the e-mail, I quickly scanned my incoming e-mails and noticed that I had received one from the church. Curious, I opened it to read that I had been invited to be an Anointer (I get to pray for people) at a retreat this coming weekend. What an honor. What a blessing. Of course, I accepted the invitation.

Two days later I received an invitation to portray a missionary in Ethiopia during a missions training program for a large group of young people being held at our church. I would get to share my heart and God’s real calling in my life as I wove it into the fabric of this missionary’s story.

The next day I was extended an invitation by a close friend to participate in a live “Call to Prayer” on a Christian radio station here in Birmingham. I, along with a Pastor and Worship Leader from two other churches in the area would accept prayer requests from callers, and would get to pray for them on air.

One week later our state would be slammed by the worst outbreak of tornadoes ever recorded in a single day. The devastation was incomprehensible, and tragically, the death count in Alabama alone stands at two hundred and thirty-six, with hundreds of people still unaccounted for.

In the aftermath of the storms, our church set up distribution centers in Birmingham and nearby Tuscaloosa for tornado victims who had lost much, if not all, of their possessions. Heart aching for these people, and wanting to help, I volunteered to work at two of the distribution centers, handing out supplies to those in need.

I also made a commitment to offer to pray for each and every victim of the storms that I came into contact with. I’d offer nourishment for their bodies, but more importantly I would get to offer nourishment for their spirits. During a four day period, I did indeed offer to pray for more people than I can remember, and none, not one (Nada. Zero. Zilch. Goose eggs) refused my offer for prayer. I got to pray for all of ‘em.

Pastor Josh

Why am I sharing all of this with you?

I’m reminded of a message that was given by Joshua Canizaro, yet another pastor at Church of Highlands. The gist of his message was this:

There are things in life that we’ve got to do. We’ve got to have a job. We’ve got to pay the bills. We’ve got to pay taxes, and buy groceries, and pay tuition. You get the message, right? These are things that we’ve got to do.

Then there are those things that we get to do. They’re things that we volunteer to do, because they’re in our hearts, and because doing them brings us joy.

Yes, I closed the door of opportunity to open a TSPA because God told me to do so. And what did I receive in return?

Opportunities

…I get to pray for people. ….I would get to share my heart….and would get to pray for them on air…I would get to offer nourishment for their spirits.

Do you get it?

There’s no doubt that I’d be a natural fit for owning a school.

From where I’m standing, it’s more important for me to be a natural fit for serving God. It’s what is in my heart. It’s what I get to do.

Oppression

People cry out under a load of oppression; they plead for relief from the arm of the powerful. Job 35:9 NIV

Exactly what is oppression? Well, in the dictionary oppression is defined as:

1        a: unjust or cruel exercise of authority or power

          b: something that oppresses especially in being an unjust or excessive exercise of power

2        :  a sense of being weighed down in body or mind

Before I can continue, there’s something that I have on my heart to tell you. Actually, there are a couple of things.

I’ve come to realize that at times this blog seems to be nothing more than a journal. Well, in some ways, that’s exactly what it is. More than anything else, The Seed of Hope is a recounting of many events in my life (good and bad), self-discoveries, and epiphanies as they pertain to my walk with the Lord. It’s a recounting of my emotional roller coaster of dealing with life as God seeking, Holy Spirit filled, Jesus loving Christian. It’s a recounting, which in essence, is the definition of a journal.

That being said, I’ll remind you that I’ve never claimed to be a theologian, writer, teacher, philosopher, pastor, or counselor. I’m just a guy who shares what’s in his heart and on his mind because, well, because I believe that God wants me to, and that’s all the reason I need.

Oppression

If you’re reading this, I’m gonna go out on a limb here and assume that you’re already a Christian, or that you’re not a Christian, that you’ve found this site and are trying to learn more about Jesus.

Either way, at some point in your life you’ve been the victim of oppression, and I’m not speaking anything over you, but you will be again in the future. In fact, you may be oppressed at this very moment. Open doors for oppression to enter our lives include anger, fear, doubt, rejection, addictions, and lust.

Now that I think about it, we’re in a constant state of oppression, to varying degrees, even when we’re not aware of it. Sometimes the oppression is so subtle that it’s barely noticed by us; but it’s there.

Our oppressor is Satan.

Yeah, I’m talking about that bad boy again. He’s relentless in his attacks. He never rests. He’s always looking for his next victim.

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8 NIV

JOY…

was the title of my last post. I closed by telling you that I was going to get on my knees and beg God to restore the joy that I found in my relationship with Him just over four years ago; a joy that I had taken for granted.

Well, once again God smiled on me, and filled me with that unparalleled joy that can only be found with Him!

So you may be thinking “If you found the joy that was missing, why are you writing about oppression?”

Good question. The answer lies in the fact that within days of finding that joy I was being pounded on yet again by the enemy…

On the road…

I had been invited by a good friend from church to attend a conference in Louisiana that was being held for Pastors, aspiring church planters, and ministry students. Yes, I was aware of the fact that I am none of the above, but I also believe that God opens doors for a reason.

Armed with my new found joy and my unwavering belief in a BIG GOD, who is capable of doing BIG THINGS, I accepted the invitation with the expectation that God had something at that conference that would rock my world. (He did, but I’m gonna save that for a later day!)

We were two hours into our drive from Birmingham to Baton Rouge when I received a text message from a member of our team at our hair salon. Her message was quite simple: Are u going to be here this week?

Simple enough, right? Yes, but I knew that what it really meant was “You hired a new person to work in the salon, and you didn’t tell anybody about it, and a lot of people are upset with you.”

Look, I’m not saying that the Satan was behind the message that I received. I’m not even gonna give him credit for the unrest that was the reason for the message. I am gonna say that, just like the lion, he was waiting for me to be rattled by the message.

But I was ready! I’d been anticipating something, some distraction that would take away from what God had planned for me at the conference. Immersing myself in prayer, I asked the Holy Spirit to cover the mind and heart of my wife Jackie, who was back in Birmingham in the midst of all the mess, and to take my mind off of the situation until I returned three days later. He did!

On the road

The drive back to Birmingham was filled with discussions about God, life, the impactful moments of the conference, and our take-away from it. The conversation was awesome, and I was grateful for the time spent with my friend, but in the back of my mind I was thinking about the situation back home, believing that everything was gonna work out. No way that my soaring spirit from the conference was gonna be dampened by what was waiting for me. Again, I was mentally prepared.

What I wasn’t prepared for was a text that I received from our son Christian, about an hour from home.

Taking Stephen to the hospital. Been throwing up since Monday…..

Bam! My guard was down, and Satan knew it. There was a small crack in the wall, a chink in the armor; just enough space for him to get in, to plant those seeds of doubt.

Early the next morning I had a meeting at the salon with the person that had sent me the message. Before she arrived, I quietly sat in our prayer room, asking that our meeting would be a good one. I was totally prepared to receive whatever she had to say without taking offense to any of it. Or so I thought.

Everything was going well until she informed me that some of our guys were questioning my walk as a Christian. I was dumbstruck. These people that I work with, and care about, and worry about questioned my walk as a Christian because I didn’t consult with them on a new hire? Really?

Want a recipe for inviting Satan to, not only oppress you, but pound on you?

Take a gallon bucket of concern for a sick grandson. Add a cup of anger, a cup of frustration, and a couple of cups of hurt, just for good measure.

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8 NIV

The next four days were a blur. Stephen was still in the hospital. Jackie and I were still hurting over what happened in the salon. At one point she and I actually turned on each other for a few hours, until I had enough sense to take her in my arms and pray for us. Nothing was right. Nothing felt right. Nothing helped. Not church, or listening to worship music, or even sitting in my prayer chair. Jackie was miserable as well, and I don’t know if was from her own hurt, or her concern for me.

Oppression

What’s that? Did I hear you questioning if you’ve been the victim of oppression from Satan?

Have you ever felt as if the weight of the world was on your shoulders, or as if you couldn’t draw enough air in your lungs, or as if you were trapped underwater, or as if you were bound by ropes, wondering all the while if you were ever gonna get through it and if you could survive until you did?

If you answered “yes” to one or more of the above, then you, my friend, have been among the oppressed. And you know that there is nothing pleasant about it.

When you find yourself in that place what do you do?

·         Pray. Pray diligently. Pray consistently. Pray from your heart, and not your mind.

“Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and I will bring you back from captivity.” Jeremiah 29:12-13

·         Proclaim the victory over Satan that was won when Jesus was nailed to the                         cross, and in Jesus’ name, rebuke Satan and his demons from your life.

I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you. Luke 10:19

·         Believe in a BIG GOD. Never take your eyes off of Him, remaining steadfast in the storm, and knowing, without a shadow of a doubt, that He’ll supply you with all that you need to survive your time of trial.

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.” Mark 10:27 NIV

Pray. Proclaim victory. Believe. Do these three things and the storm of oppression will come to an end. Oh, there’s one more thing: be patient.

God’s Timing

The storm will pass, and with it the reign of oppression. But it’ll be in God’s timing, and not yours. He will bring you back from captivity, but only when He’s ready…

Monday evening Jackie and I were having dinner with our two live-in ministry students, Brooke and Buddy. After the meal was blessed, I offered one more silent prayer to God, asking Him to let this be over. At some point, in the midst of dinner and conversation, I knew that it was over. Fighting back tears, I told Jackie and girls that “This family time is just what I needed. Thank you.”

The next morning I awoke thanking God, as I always do, for allowing me to live another day. I also thanked Him for, among other things, the peace that was in my heart. I spent a few extra minutes laying in bed next to my amazing wife, grateful for her love, her patience, and her unwavering support as I try to live out God’s plan for me, before getting out of bed and heading for my prayer chair.

Stephen went home that day. The joy was back. All was right with the world. This round of oppression was over. I’m sure it won’t be the last one, because I’ll never stop loving and serving the Lord.

But then, I know that He’ll never stop loving me.