The Seed of Hope

JOY

You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures in your right hand. Psalm 16:11 NIV

I’ve stated several times on this site, and God only knows how many times in conversations that, “When it comes to serving God, I want to do it all!”

Lofty ambitions? You bet, but when it comes to serving the Lord, aiming high is all that I know.

Impossible to achieve? Probably…

The original thought behind my last post, Be still and know that I am God was to announce a halt, at least temporarily, to The Seed of Hope. I realized that I had made commitments to too many things and too many people, and a dinner invitation was the catalyst for it!

A friend had sent me an e-mail inquiring what may be the best night for my wife Jackie and I to accompany him and his wife to dinner. In responding to his request, I began flipping through my “mental datebook.” Let’s see…

Monday nights are reserved as “family dinner” nights for me, Jackie, and our two live-in ministry students, Brooke and Adrianna. We don’t mess with those. On Tuesday nights I co-lead a Bible study/fellowship men’s group for the first year ministry students at church. Wednesday night is church night. Thursday mornings begin with an hour long men’s group meeting in our salon at 6:30, and end that evening when Jackie and I leave the salon, hopefully no later 7:00 or 7:30. Friday evening marks the end of the work week, which gives me the weekend to be a husband, father, grandfather, and son, the latter three of which I’m failing miserably. Sundays are for church; always attending, sometimes serving.

Within the last two weeks I’d been given the opportunity to lead yet another group for men, to lead a mentoring program for young men attending a high school here in Birmingham, and to co-lead a Spa Night for mothers of critically ill children at Children’s Hospital with Jackie.

Mixed in with all of this is attempting to run a business, writing The Seed of Hope, and having an open door policy for anyone needing counsel, friendship, or prayer in the prayer room in our salon.

And somewhere in my schedule I have to find time to spend with the Lord, just me and Him. It’s not an option. It’s my daily bread.

Complaining?

I know it sounds like I’m complaining, but I’m not really. I asked God for all of this, for Him to open doors for me to reach people. I just didn’t know that He’d answer in such a big way.

Somewhere along the way I lost sight of the fact that I’m only human. And I lost something even more valuable that I’ll get to in a minute.

God’s way of reminding me of my human frailty was to stop me dead in my tracks with an unbelievably painful attack of Achilles Tendonitis.

Do you know the story of Achilles? He was a Greek hero of the Trojan War, and he was the central character in Homer’s Iliad. Achilles was a mighty warrior, a tough guy, a “bad boy” in today’s terminology. Legend has it that Achilles was for the most part invincible, except for a weakness that he had in his heel. The story goes that Achilles was shot in the heel by a poison arrow, which ultimately leads to his death.

For that reason, and to this day, the term “Achilles’ heel” has been used in defining an individual’s primary weakness. That being said, after my third flare-up of tendonitis in two months, I began to wonder if God was trying to tell me that I was overlooking a weakness; a flaw in my character, in my walk, in dealing with people, or in my spirituality.

Some of you may be shaking your heads at the notion of God giving me foot problems to get my attention. That’s all well and good; believe what you want. You can ring it up to coincidence that this last attack of tendonitis was so severe that, with the exception of going to church, I did absolutely nothing for five days but sit and reflect on me, my life, and God. Call it coincidence that when I was still because I had to be, and used that time for inner reflection, I realized a couple of things.

I can’t do it all.

In My Five, the last post of 2010, I suggested that you pick the five things that were closest to your heart, that were the most important to you, and devote your time and attention to working on those five before you did anything else. Ascribing to the adage that I should “practice what I preach”, I went about the business of making my own top five list.

Number one on my list, which I shared with you, was “To love and serve the Lord with all that is in me every day.” Today, some three months later, loving and serving the Lord is still on the top of my list. The problem arose in the fact that I tried to cram so many things, like writing The Seed of Hope, leading small groups, mentoring, counseling, praying with people and whatever else was on my heart into this one item.

It was a recipe for disaster. Oh, I still loved getting “plugged-in” with people, and going to church. And as always, if there was anything that I could do, in thought, word, or deed, to lead someone to the Lord, or to make their walk in life a bit better, I was the one that was blessed for it. But the joy that should have come with those blessings mysteriously vanished. In what seemed like the blink of an eye, serving God and others became, not a blessing, but a burden.

The joy was gone, and in its place was frustration. I became dissatisfied with our business, with my ministry, with our church, with everything. I was aware of the fact that I was frustrated, and I unsuccessfully tried to pray my way through it, which only served to make me even more frustrated. I reminded myself of a dog chasing its tail; running myself ragged, and getting absolutely nowhere. This went on for weeks.

Then I did something that seems to be so hard for men to do: I reached out for help. I called on my good friend Rusty, who I knew would listen to what was on my heart without judging me for it. I also knew that he would tell me, not necessarily what I wanted to hear, but what I needed to hear; which is exactly what he did. That, among other things, is what makes him a good friend.

My meeting with Rusty led to a meeting with one of his best friends, Keith, who also happens to be one of the Pastors at our church. (Can you see God working through all of this?) Keith, like Rusty, listened to what I had to say, and then, in no uncertain terms, told me what I needed to hear. He shot straight from the hip, and I walked away from our hour long conversation with my “wheels spinning” and my mind digging even deeper for the answer, Keith’s words echoing in my mind.

JOY

It came to me at four o’clock this morning. I sat up in bed with tears in my eyes and a huge hurt in my heart. What had been missing was JOY. Not the joy that comes from serving others or the joy that comes from writing, or mentoring, or even praying. What was missing was the unparalleled joy that comes from being with God, from being filled by the Holy Spirit, and from walking with Jesus every day.

The first time I felt that joy was when I was born again four and a half years ago. It was by God’s grace that I received it, that I had felt it, and that I got to walk with it in my heart every day. It was a gift; a gift that I had taken for granted. It was a gift that I had assumed would always be there.

You see, that joy was the wellspring of all that came after it; The Seed of Hope, the desire to serve God, this ministry that God has blessed me with, and the prayer room in our salon in which I’m sitting at this very moment. All of it was born of the joy that I found when I truly found God.

And now it’s gone. Oh, there are still some remnants of that joy that I was filled with until a few weeks ago, but it’s nothing like it was. When I finish this post I’m gonna get on my knees and ask God, beg God, to let me walk with that joy in my heart again.

You see, without His joy, I am nothing.

Be still and know that I am God

I’d been reciting this over and over in my mind last Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. It made no difference as to the time of day, or where I was, or what I may have been doing. It was just there.

“Be still and know that I am God.”

“Why is this so important? What am I missing that I’m supposed to be getting? God, are you trying to tell me something? I’m being as still as I can be and do the things that I’m supposed to be doing. Lord, if You’ll just show me what I’m missing here…”

Such was my “conversation” with God the first few days of last week. Eight, nine, ten times a day… Be still and know that I am God. I’d hear it in my head, and answer back with a question or statement every time. “God, I know that you put this in my mind for a reason. The problem is that I don’t know what it is. Can you give me a little clarity here? I’m being still.” Of course, I was having my conversations with God on the run. You see, I really don’t know how to keep still, or at least not for any length of time.

“How many times do I have to plant this in your thoughts, Maniscalco? I want you to be still. NOW.”

I rolled out of bed last Thursday morning at 5:30 to get ready for a men’s Bible study/fellowship group that meets in our hair salon each week. The moment that my feet touched the floor I felt it: the Achilles Tendonitis in my right heel had decided to act up again, the third time that it had done so in the last six weeks. I got dressed and downed a couple of Tylenol on the way out the door, hoping, make that praying that this attack wouldn’t be as bad as the last one.

I was wrong.

By 6:30 I was limping. When I took my wife Jackie to lunch at noon I was hobbling. By the end of the day the pain was so intense that I could do little more than drag my foot in the direction that I was headed. An ice pack and several more Tylenol preceded a fitful night of sleep.

The next morning I was at our salon on crutches (again, for the third time in six weeks). Pride and being a “tough guy” had taken a back seat to the intense, incessant pain in my foot. By nine o’clock I had succumbed to the pain, and was headed back home for the remainder of the day.

Be still and know that I am God.

Once home, I climbed on our bed, propped my foot on a couple of pillows, and turned on the television. The channel was already set on one of the 24 hour news channels, and the news of the day was the tragic earthquake and following tsunami that had rocked Japan. I watched in disbelief as a wall of water rolled through northern Japan, engulfing farmlands, demolishing homes and buildings, and tossing cars and trucks around as if they were fifty-cent toys. Unbelievable. Unfathomable. Humbling.

Mercifully, the station broke away from the destruction in Japan. They wanted to give updates on the uprising in Libya, as well as the latest developments in Iraq. Sandwiched between it all were the most recent round of squabbles in Congress here in our own country.

“Be still and know that I am God” rang out in my mind yet again, in the midst of all the destruction and fighting that I was watching on T.V. This time I did something about it! I went to www.ask.com on my iPhone and typed in what I’d been “hearing” all week long, where I learned that God’s instruction to be still is found in Psalm 46. More curious than ever, I went to www.biblegateway.com and entered the NIV version of the  Psalm. I sat in stunned silence at I read the passage, all the while recalling the images that I’d just witnessed on the television.  

¹ God is our refuge and strength,
   an ever-present help in trouble.
² Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
   and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
³ though its waters roar and foam
   and the mountains quake with their surging.^[c]

⁴ There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
   the holy place where the Most High dwells.
⁵ God is within her, she will not fall;
   God will help her at break of day.
⁶ Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
   he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

~~~~~~~~

 ⁸ Come and see what the LORD has done,
   the desolations he has brought on the earth.
⁹ He makes wars cease
   to the ends of the earth.
He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
   he burns the shields^[d] with fire.
¹⁰ He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
  I will be exalted among the nations,
   I will be exalted in the earth.”

Fairly impactful message, wouldn’t you say?

Look, I’m no pessimist. I don’t think that the end of the world is near, or that the sky is falling, or that we should be saying goodbye to all of our loved ones. But then again, I could be wrong. I’m just saying that God stopped me dead in my tracks and laid this on my heart to share with you this week, at a time when all of this stuff “just happened” to be going on in the world.

What you do with it is up to you. I’m just saying that perhaps, from time to time, we should all stop whatever it is that we may be doing to be still, if only for a moment, and know that He is God.

Please pray for the people in Japan, and in Libya, and in Haiti, and wherever there is hurt. Pray for the people in your own back yard. Pray for God to tend to the needs of people wherever they may be, that they will feel His presence. That they will know that He is God.

Just pray.

See you next week.

"...it's time to dream..."

I felt it the moment that I sent last week’s post, was blind but now I see into cyberspace for all to read. It was doubt, and it descended on me like a swarm of locusts at feeding time. That doubt has caused me to question my vision, my purpose, my church, my ministry, pretty much everything that I do, and my motives for doing it. I even contemplated pulling the plug on this site, with no explanation for my actions at all. How could I be filled with so much confidence in one moment and plagued by doubt in the next?

There are two possible explanations…

·         Satan

·         My lack of faith

In November of 2009 I was in Tampa, Florida to shoot a video about our salon’s “success story” for an Internet-based company located there. Much to my chagrin, and for reasons that were never given to me, the video was never released. I mention this because the disappointment associated with the company’s decision not to use the video was the primary reason for the delay in sharing this true story with you. Or maybe it just wasn’t the right time…

The night before the shoot I was having dinner at the home of the company’s President, Dennis and his wife Carolyn, the latter of whom I’d known for several years. At some point in the conversation Carolyn made a comment about the changes that had taken place, not only in our salon, but in me, since we’d met in 2006.

Nodding my head in agreement, I quickly rifled through my memory banks as I recalled all the changes that had indeed taken place in that three year period. Wow. God had really blessed us, and He had allowed me to grow more than I could have ever imagined.

I confided to Carolyn that while I’d learned to be bold in sharing what’s on my mind and in my heart, especially as it pertained to God, there was still one thing that I couldn’t get past; one doubt that was still nestled in the recesses of my mind.

“What’s that?” Carolyn questioned.

“Well,” I slowly responded, searching for the right words, “I believe that with God all things are possible. I can do anything with Him. But, I won’t allow myself to dream the big dream. I don’t know if it’s a result of years of disappointment, or the prayer for humility that I say each morning, or wanting to live my life according to what God wants me to do, or just wrapping my mind around the fact that it’s okay to dream. Whatever the reason, or reasons, I just can’t bring myself to do it. I won’t even allow myself to actually define what my big dream is.”

In the studio

The next morning I was in the studio shooting the video, and at some point I was talking about limitations that other people (quite often people that love and care for us, like our parents), put on us as children. Oh, I believe that their intentions are good. I’m also of the belief that quite often they’re really trying to protect us from the disappointments and hurts that we may get in life. We know, of course, that we’re gonna suffer through both, just as they did, and their parents before them, and their parents before them.

The worst part is that in trying to protect us from hurt, they’re also planting seeds of doubt that we’re not good enough, or worthy enough, or capable enough. We never learn how to dream, and consequently we never really wrap our minds around the fact that with God all things are possible.

I headed back to Birmingham that afternoon, satisfied with the video that we’d done, hoping that it would touch the lives of many, and wondering if it might lead to any other opportunities to speak to people.

Two days later Lorri, one of our clients, came into our hair salon for an appointment. I just happened to be behind the front desk, and upon seeing me, Lorri said “Hey, I’ve got a message for you.”

“Great. What is it?” I replied.

“I don’t want to give it to you right now, because I don’t know what it means. Why don’t you wait until Tangie applies my color, and then come find me? I’ll share it with you then.”

Fifteen minutes later, and filled with curiosity as to what my message may be, I took a seat next to Lorri in the color processing area of the salon. Seeing the Okay-I’m-waiting-for-you-to-tell-me look on my face, Lorri picked up where she’d left off earlier…

“Okay, God has laid something on my heart for me to share with you. In fact, He’s done it more than once. Like I said, I don’t know what it means, but I’m supposed to give it to you. Maybe you’ll know what it means.”

For a brief moment I was torn between wanting to hear what my message was, and not wanting to hear it at all! Perhaps that was due to Lorri’s eagerness to share it with me, tempered by her lack of understanding as to what it meant. “Okay, so what is it?” I asked with a bit of trepidation.

Lorri continued. “God wants me to tell you that it’s time to dream the big dream. You were born with visions of what God wanted you to do. You had big dreams. Then, when you were a child, you were lead to abandon those dreams. God is ready to use you, Sam. In fact, He’s waiting for you. It’s time for you to dream the big dream. Does that make any sense to you?”

Stunned. Overwhelmed. Speechless. Blown away. Taken aback.

You can select any or all of the above to describe my reaction to Lorri’s message for me. Obviously, the message made perfect sense to me. I believe that it was a direct message from God, and I believe that He used my friend Lorri to deliver it. I mean, how could she have possibly known what I’d said in a recording studio several hundreds of miles away?

There was no doubt in my mind that the message was from God. But was I ready to accept it, and more importantly, believe it?

Today…

It has been more than a year, sixteen months in fact, since Lorri delivered my message; since God told me that it was time to dream the big dream. I have to be honest in telling you that I still haven’t done it. Oh, He’s opened doors for me to reach out to others through The Seed of Hope, our church, speaking engagements, and most recently in the prayer room that we put in our salon last May.

But I still haven’t allowed myself to let my imagination run wild as to what I may be able to accomplish during my time on this earth. And every once in a while, I can almost feel Him tapping me on my shoulder and saying, “That’s good, but what about that message I sent to you over a year ago? Are you gonna do anything about it? Don’t you believe that I’m capable of making your wildest dreams come true? You’re always telling people that My plans for them are bigger than their dreams. And you also tell them to dream the big dream. Well, what are you waiting for? I’m waiting for you.”

Even as I write this, I’m filled with doubt. Perhaps it’s Satan trying to hold me back. After all, my biggest dreams have to do with growing God’s Kingdom. Maybe it’s that prayer for humility that I offer to God each morning. Could be that it’s me being my own worst enemy. Then again, maybe it’s God asking me to step up my faith in Him, to finally believe, without a doubt, that with Him all things are indeed possible; not just for other people, but for me too.

In just a moment I’m gonna put my biggest dreams on a piece of paper and give ‘em to God. All of ‘em. I’m not holding anything back. Will they come true? I have no idea. One thing I do know is that it won’t be because I was afraid of letting Him know what they were.

I’m dreaming the big dream.